What Have I Become?

I live in an Asian country, Indonesia.  I’ve been living here for 17 years, yes, 17 years.  It’s hard for me to actually believe it myself!

I’m sure there are so many wonderful things which have transformed within myself while living here,but today I was unhappy with what took place within myself and the way my husband reacted to the situation.

This morning on my journey to work an accident had taken place on the toll.  A truck had smashed into the barrier wall and through it onto the other side of the road.  The truck had hit a car and all I could see from that was a broken back window and the car had been severely crushed in the back.  But what I saw on my side of the road was the reason for the accident.  The truck had hit a person.  Probably a gardener or someone who was working the tolls.  I assume the truck driver broke too late and I think he had killed this person whose body lay crushed on the side of the road.

My first reaction was to ring the police to do something.  I was shocked and began crying at the sight of a body lying on the road.  But we didn’t stop.  I asked my husband to do something and he proceeded to argue with me about why we couldn’t stop,that the police were probably on their way and that someone had stopped on the other side of the road.

Inside I am screaming.  This is a person.  We just drove off on a person who was lying dead on the side of the road.

Of course I feel horrible.  I feel like my chance to serve society to be a good and honorable person has been crushed.  I feel my humanity slipping away from me and this is my moral dilemma.  How many times have I let this kind of thing happen in Indonesia?  What kind of person have I become? Am I stuck in the ‘us and them’ divide.  Does this happen to people when they become a part of a society where you can’t afford to care because caring means money?

I want to model to my students what it means to be a righteous person and yet here I am doing this kind of thing.



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